Missing Gretyl

Missing Gretyl

A comedy drama with genuine pathos, MISSING GRETYL is a hilarious adventure that threatens to destroy the marriages of Albert & Gretyl Trollop & Sharon & Dave Soddall.

Married longer than they care to remember, the Trollops live in a 12th floor high rise flat in Battersea, London. Crammed with Gretyl’s junk, there isn’t enough space to swing a cat, let alone, new shelving for more of Gretyl’s car boot tat.

Albert Trollop is the lovable protagonist who tries to escape the monotony of his marriage by fleeing at every given opportunity to the allotment and betting office, while Gretyl lives for the shopping channels, car boots and local gossip. They rarely see eye to eye and the local gossip and constant nagging drives Albert further away from his wife.

Meet the Soddall family. An ex-bouncer, Dave and his gorgeous wife, Sharon are living on benefits in a run-down council house. Lamenting their prospects and failed attempts at employment, the Soddall family invent the perfect idea for a holiday scam, involving Dave’s brother Tony, who, rich off a bank heist, has built five villas in Marbella. The front for a new company, ‘Costa Soddall Travel’ is born, with one slight hiccup: After buying land with an illegal permit from a corrupt Town City Planner, Tony has been given 90 days notice by the Spanish government before his exclusive villas will be knocked down.

Get ready for a fun ride with holiday scams, flying toenails, botched hairdos, crazy car boots, cocaine-filled taxis, a deluded hitman, arson, murder and a mysterious letter that threatens to turn the world of Albert & Gretyl Trollop upside down…

‘A funny, well-observed romp of a book – fast-moving, highly comic scenarios are peppered with big characters. And an ogre at the centre of it (not a real ogre, like in Harry Potter, but then there’s no such thing as a real ogre – this is such a thing as a real Gretyl, which is scarier). It’s fun and funny.’

Paul Kerensa (comedian & scriptwriter for TV sitcoms, incl. ‘Miranda’ and ‘Not Going Out’)

“You know you’re onto a good thing when the novel you start is hard to stop! When you look forward to the next time you can pick it up and get a bit more of the story…when you’re a bit miffed to find you’ve got to do stuff like work, eat, feed your children and even go the loo, as it means you have to put the book down…then the novel has done its job. And this novel does its job very well; the characters are endearing, the plot intriguing and the overall result – pleasing. Go read it!

Author, Annie Porthouse

“This book is hysterical! I’ve read it twice now. I enjoyed it so much the first time around that I found myself speeding through it to find out what happens next! Now that I’ve read it in less haste I can really appreciate the skill of the author.

It is true British, warped comedy. The characters are like none that I’ve ever met in a book before. All of them colourful! The main character, Gretyl is initially unlikable but she grows on you. The ‘Soddall’ family are very entertaining as are Doris and Arti Chokes. The waxing scenes are hilarious yet make you grimace as well as laugh out loud!

The plot is riveting, with so many twists and turns it makes you dizzy! I’m certain it would make a fantastic film and I just can’t wait for the sequel.

Think Monty Python meets Benidorm meets Fawlty Towers!”


“I have just finished ‘Missing Gretyl’ I don’t know what to say withought sounding cheesy so get ready for some cheese on toast! I have finished the book on a high! I can only relate it to food, it’s like finishing your Christmas dinner and falling into a state of contentment. A good all rounder! Humourous, emotional with a fantastic twist. It also ends very humbly which I love! There is no pretence, it does what it says on the tin! I would highly recommend this book to my family and friends and to anyone who loves a bit of cockney humour. Del Boy eat your heart out! You have nothing on Gretyl Trollop!”

Jeannie Schofield

“I absolutely loved this book. It is funny, sweet, got a great storyline and I LOVED the characters. To start with I thought Gretyl was horrid but as the story evolved she really started to grow on me and by the end I loved her. It really was a joy to read this book and can’t recommend it highly enough. I will certainly be reading more by the author.”

Sarah Hardy

“Missing Gretyl was read on holiday and I couldn’t put it down! Gretyl is quite a lady! Gross, nasty ,selfish but hugely likeable. This is a tale which is very funny yet explores the complexities of human characters and the depth of relationships. There are many touching moments, and Simon’s great strength of exposing bitter-sweet , raw emotion in the midst of a comic book is a real art. The plot is great, the characters believable. The ending is wonderful. A message of hope, friendship, loyalty and seeing the buried treasure of good in even the most difficult characters. Simon Page! A most wonderful first novel!”


“Why is there not a page saying “Also by Simon Page” (no pun intended). If Simon has not written any books before, this first one is a quite outstanding achievement, and I certainly hope, with much confidence, that he will write more… this book is alive with fun, mirth, mischief, real characters and a thumping good plot. I laughed out loud, and later reflected on some of the truths concerning real life, real relationships, and what makes for quality living in the 21st century.”

Barrie Lawrence

“I never usually review but I felt I had to give this book the applause it deserves! What a fantastic read I was unable to put the book down as I couldn’t wait to see what happened!! Missing Gretyl is both funny and sad with lots of emotions all rolled into one! I really hope there is a sequel I would love to know what happened next. Well done Si Page this would make a brilliantly funny screen show…”

Claire Brooks

“Well what can I say about this novel in just a few words? It is extremely well written and absolutely hilarious! I have struggled to contain my laughter (however in appropriate my location may be whilst reading). I love the short chapters which draw and urge you on deeper into the book, with an eagerness to know what transpires next. On the flip side, in-amongst the comedy are heart warming moments that bring a tear to your eye. I was in no hurry for this novel to end.”